PORTAGE INDIANA- May 4th, 2023

The Portage City Council made history this week, passing an ordinance allowing for non-commercial personal ownership of chickens within city limits.

The prohibition of the practice, thought to date back to local pagan beliefs regarding the chicken as a sacred animal, was brutally enforced by devastating fines, imprisonment, and even capital punishment in years past. Though neighboring communities had legalized the keeping of hens years ago (some going so far as to allow citizens to have pet ducks, quail, and pheasants) local politics and demographics kept the community as an island of anti-poultry policies decades after such policies had lost popular support.

“I’m glad they’ve finally legalized chickens,” Portage homeowner Martin Teller said when asked about his thoughts regarding the ordinance. “Everyone knew that all you had to do if you wanted eggs or chicken meat was to drive out of town to get it and everyone got tired of pretending when they talked to neighbors or when the police asked about some yolk on your shirt during a traffic stop. Adults should be able to make these decisions for themselves.”

Others were less confident that the changes the ordinance could bring would be entirely positive.

“I’ve been doing random car searches on Route 6 for signs of poultry for 15 years,” officer Julia Fontaine told our reporter. “I’m just supposed to accept that this town is going to have feathers and eggshells polluting the streets for kids to see now? Like San Francisco or Vegas?”