Pictured: (Left) Casserole T. Turkey, a gift to the city of Burma on behalf of Thistle Leaf Farms. (Right) Confessed serial arsonist Douglass Cranberry

Downstate Mayor Holds Ceremony Pardoning Turkey, Arsonist

BURMA, INDIANA- Joining U.S. Presidents dating back to President Lincoln himself as well as countless state governors, Mayor Anderson Tomassi held a ceremony Tuesday night to announce the official pardoning of a turkey in celebration of Thanksgiving, as well as convicted arsonist Douglass Cranberry who has been held at a state facility since 1987.

“By the power vested in me by the people of Burma, I declare that we shall spare Casserole and Cranberry!” said Tomassi from the podium at Burma City Hall. “We thank Thistle Leaf Farms for their generous donation of 20 frozen turkeys in addition to their donation of this live bird.”

A contest was held in which students at the Burma Township Schools submitted suggestions to name the turkey, with “Casserole” being the winning entry by a wide margin.

“(Casserole) will be our honored guest at the Burma City Hall for visitors to see and take photographs with until Christmas, at which time he will be taken to his new home at the Atwater County Children’s Petting Zoo.” Declared Mayor Tomassi.

Cranberry, who remains remorseless in his admission to having set fire to two grain elevators and a service station in the summer of 1985, offered no comment to reporters as he was led to a vehicle from the gates of the Atwater State Prison Facility.

According to the Indiana Poultry Association, Indiana ranks 4th in the nation as a state in the production of Turkey, providing a direct contribution of over $4.25 billion to Indiana’s economy and directly creating over 7,000 jobs in the Hoosier State.

“Happy Thanksgiving!  Gobble gobble!”- Recently re-elected third term Burma Indiana mayor Anderson Tomassi

The attacks, which caused an estimated $14.5 million dollars in damage (adjusted for inflation) famously resulted in several investigative dead ends and at least one falsely imprisoned suspect who was later cleared of all charges when Cranberry, arrested on charges of operating a motorcycle under the influence of inhalants, confessed to the crimes. No one was harmed in the fires, though psychologists and criminal justice researchers agree that adults who engage in fire setting behaviors have little hope of reform.

Mayor Tomassi handily won re-election for a third term as Mayor of Burma earlier this month.

“While Casserole has been granted reprieve because of his exemplary behavior, the frozen birds have been donated to the Atwater County food bank to help hungry families in need this holiday season. Trust me, those birds weren’t so well behaved!” Joked Mayor Tomassi as he thanked the crowd of reporters and local parents at the pardoning ceremony.

Mayor Tomassi closed his statements to the assembly with “Happy Thanksgiving!  Gobble gobble!”