BEING HUMAN: TRUE STORIES FROM FIRST RESPONDERS with STEVE GOUWENS

“Being Human” is based on true stories told from our local first responders. All victims and those who wish to remain unnamed have been altered for privacy purposes.

LOCAL 219: Hi Steve, tell me a little bit about yourself. You work for the Hobart Fire Department.

Steve Gouwens: Yes, I’m a Lieutenant there. A Paramedic Firefighter, and just recently got promoted to Lieutenant a year and a half ago.

L219: Congratulations.

SG: Thank you. A little bit about my journey, I started in healthcare. I was a receptionist in the ER at Saint Margaret’s in Hammond. I bounced around from job to job.

I went to school for music. I play Violin and Piano. I actually tuned their piano. So that’s my side gig is I tune pianos. I love it because it’s not fighting fire.

I wanted to be a musical therapist to help people recovering from strokes or seizures. I studied psychiatry and music, and now I’m a firefighter. It’s really hard to make it as a professional musician.

My last job before I switched career paths was selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door to door. It was a great experience for me, but then my boss went belly up, and I kind of fell off the deep end.

I didn’t know what I was going to do, and my mom was an HR person at Saint Margaret’s. She said there was an opening in the ER and that I should apply, and I’m like, “I don’t want to do some boring W2 job.” I started that and then fell in love with medicine.

I loved the emergency room, the hustle and bustle, and the craziness. I was only taking people’s names and kind of helping them to the back, but still getting a little flavor of it. I was thinking either paramedic or nursing because both of those kind of interested me, then somebody suggested I go to EMT school first.

L219: To get a taste of it.

SG: Yeah, so I hooked up with Superior ambulance; they trained me, and I head over heels fell in love with emergency care.

L219: What did you fall in love with the most?

SG: The constant ‘go.’ I mean there is something to be said about the ICU nurses that are with patients day in and day out. Even hospice nurses, hats off to them, because they’re there the whole time, but there’s something about, “I have 20 minutes to make a difference.”

L219: The rush.

SG: Yeah, it’s for an adrenaline junkie kind of. Through EMT school I started medic school right away. I became a paramedic through Superior and then I went to critical care school, which is a stage above medic.

You learn a lot of nursing stuff. I got to take a lot of very critical patients that were on like balloon pumps and ECMO machines, and all sorts of stuff.

L219: So you enjoyed the science behind it.

SG: Yes. Totally nerded out. I didn’t take my job as seriously. I was 26 or 27. When I learned medicine the first time I was kind of like, “Just pass the test,” and then I encountered one really bad call that stuck with me.

There was a guy with chest pain and he said he just had open heart surgery that Tuesday and this was a Friday. So he had just had open heart surgery. His pain felt exactly the way it did before he went in. He was put on the monitor and there were what we call ‘tombstones.’ It’s a certain EKG rhythm, and it showed he was having a heart attack. Decisions made in seconds turned out to be incorrect. 

I didn’t really realize anything was wrong, because protocol was followed.

In reality his chest pain went away, but simultaneously dropped his heart rate, and his blood pressure, then he coded. Report was called in to Saint Catherine’s at first and then we came crashing in the door two minutes later doing CPR on this guy.

He had Steri-strips still on his chest so doing CPR popped everything opened. He was bleeding everywhere, and it just started off as a chest pain call. They had a pediatric full arrest happening at the same time, so there no doctor. He came when he could but there was nothing left to be done. The man didn’t make it.

I called my boss and I said, “I quit. It’s two in the morning and I quit.” She talked me out of it. She sat me down and had a really, real conversation with me.

She said, “You have two options: you can walk away or you can learn from this…”

L219: And let it drive you forward.

SG: Yeah. I share that story with every single student that I have. I’m also a teacher, and I’ve been a paramedic for 15 years now. So, this was a decade and a half ago.

L219: It makes me think about how many students don’t pay attention in say, accounting class, and how it can be easier to get away with mistakes, but when it comes down to this career field you have to know certain things. There’s a lot of information you have to be familiar with.

SG: Yes! So that was my come to Jesus moment. I decided to take my career seriously. That was my one changing moment. I still go back and can see the guy’s face. I can still see his family. I can still see his house, and this was 15 years ago. That’s burned into my brain as one of the worst calls I’ve ever experienced.

L219: I can’t help but consider how many people you have helped since then?

SG: You sound like my wife. You guys are correct. She’s said, “Over the last 15 years how many students have you had, how many other patients have you had?” Now, I’m jokingly referred to as Dr. Gouwens by my colleagues. I know cardiology backwards and forwards, more than I should, and I continue to push myself to learn.

I don’t ever want something to catch me off guard that I could have prevented. I do look at it now in a positive light, and know how many other chest pain calls I have caught and helped, and they’re better off because I actually took my job seriously.

It’s the spin that I give [my students] too. That, “I don’t want to see you have to deal with this. Maybe if you can learn from my mistake…

L219: …you’ll never have to carry the burden I carry.”

SG: Right, because you’re gonna watch people die, but I try to prevent that.

L219: In terms of students, and for the younger generation, looking into EMT school, law enforcement, or firefighting, what advice would you give them to prepare for this line of work? What should they consider if they want to explore these fields?

SG: The most successful things for me are finding things other than your career to give you life. For me, it’s faith. For me, it’s family. God sent me the perfect woman. She is my rock. She’s my support. A lot of paramedics, wind up with ER nurses…

L219: Because they can relate.

SG: But she is a schoolteacher, and she did real estate. She doesn’t really know the field. She knows it, but she doesn’t experience it, and it’s really nice to get support from her in that.

I have amazing friends. I have an amazing family. I would say the best thing anyone can do whether they’re going police, military, fire, paramedic, doesn’t matter: find a support structure. Something that is constant for you. Without that I’ve seen guys completely snap.

They don’t have support; divorce is higher in my line of work or in that grouping, because I don’t think we handle stress well. We say we do because we’re under pressure a lot, but just because you’re under a lot of pressure doesn’t mean you handle pressure well.

We have horrible coping techniques. We stay up way too late. We drink way too much. We just talked about sugar and carbs, smoking.

L219: They’re easy fixes.

SG: Yes, and it’s very common in my line of work, that on off days, you just get drunk all day. That used to be me. It would be 7am, and I’m drinking.

We just adopted my son, five years ago and that changed our faith. It made our faith just come alive, because we were always like, “Oh we’re Christian, we go to church. Yeah, we’re fine, but five years ago is when we actually relied on God for the first time, and that changed a lot.

We started uncovering a lot of who we are. We both deal with depression and anxiety. I think everyone does.

L219: Some just hide it better than others.

SG: Yeah, some people cope with it and some people choose to find, horrible, coping techniques. So that’s been a big change.

Now, I’m looking at everything I do with my eyes, with my mind and with my actions, as it’s either God serving or it’s not.

I would also encourage anyone [exploring this field] to know yourself. Before you go in, know how you handle stress. Whether you’re gonna be a policeman, a fireman or military, to think that you won’t have stress or that, “Oh, I’m fine, stress doesn’t bother me,” you are dead wrong.

L219: We’ve been talking about faith and how that’s been a way to manage your stress, process and provide a foundation for your marriage. Do you feel like there are effective resources available for people who are struggling with mental health because of their careers?

SG: I think that awareness is becoming more prevalent. I know at my department we have EAP, the Employee Assistance Program. It’s one of those where you can call anonymously and talk to somebody.

We have a chaplain who is phenomenal. He’s a great guy. The mentality at Hobart specifically, has changed. I’m seeing that most departments are changing a little bit. Back in the day, it was always, “suck it up. Don’t let anybody see you cry. “

L219: Isn’t that the message most men get?

SG: Pretty much, and even more so if you’re having a hard time with stuff. I started in the field 15 years ago when we kind of still had that feel.

But my chief has been really pushing that if you’ve got a problem, talk to somebody. We have trained guys on the department that went to a special three day [event] on how to counsel your peers.

If they need something more professional, they can recommend out, but if it’s, “Man, I’m having a rough day, I just need to get it out…” they’re available.

L219: I feel like that’s half the battle. Just needing to verbalize and put language to everything going on internally, because a lot of the time until you start talking you don’t even know what you’re feeling, and until someone asks, “Where does that stem from? Why is it tearing you up inside?” you don’t even realize how much is there.

SG: Sometimes it’s painful when it comes out too. We’ve been pushing that more as a department, even like physical rest. In a fire we’re supposed to have what’s called rehab.

A bottle should take you about 20 to 30 minutes, breathing air, and when you’re inside working hard for 20-30 minutes in a 400-degree atmosphere, you are exhausted. I don’t care how physically fit you are. You’re wearing 65 pounds of gear and you’re in a 400 to 600 degree oven.

So we usually come out and if you don’t get another bottle on quickly, guys kind of poke at you. Now, we’re pushing that once you come out, you have to take a knee for at least five minutes.

We have a saying, “Risk a lot to save a lot. Risk a little to save a little and risk nothing to save nothing.”

So physically, we’re employing these ideas of rest and rehab, and that’s playing a part mentally as well. We’re there for each other and it’s been really good.

L219: That camaraderie is so valuable, because then there’s a loyalty created. You serve for each other with each other.

SG: I don’t want to say it’s a perfect system. It’s still run by humans, so it’s broken, but it’s improved tenfold from what it was. We used to have the mentality of, “Suck it up. If you can’t handle it, you’re obviously not cut out for this line of work,” but truth be told, I don’t think anybody is cut out for that group; the military, police, fire, or EMS.

No one mentally is cut out for that. I give Hobart Fire Department mad props because they’re very concerned about how everybody is doing.

L219: I feel like you’re required to make a personal decision that says, “I’m taking on a career that will force me to engage and detach, and I have to learn how to be okay with that.”

SG: Exactly. My thinking is in order to do what we do you either have to be so broken that it doesn’t affect you, or so supported that it won’t affect you. There’s no in between.

Some guys have a great support system and they are successful, wonderful guys; others, it just eats them alive and all they have is work. All they eat, breathe, and sleep is work, and that’s unhealthy, no matter what line of work you’re in, but when you’re in the adrenaline line of work, if that’s all you have, you will have zero rest.

 

L219: In that lifestyle, you have to wonder, “where are you receiving a deeper satisfaction from life? Is that even on your radar?” That ties into my next question: what do you enjoy most about the position?

SG: To be honest, I don’t think it’s the heart-stopping kind of stuff. I’ve got plenty of them. I just got a medal of valor for grabbing a jumper off a bridge.

I was on I-65 and the cops were trying to talk to him, but he kept on scooting closer. I just felt this little push inside to go talk to him, and I’m not a negotiator. We were waiting for the negotiator to get there. I was about 10 feet away and he was calm enough to talk to me.

I got the closest and then I saw him kind of reposition his body, take a deep breath and close his eyes. While he took a deep breath I took that opportunity, ran, and wrapped my arms around him then just snagged him off the bridge.

L219: That’s incredible. What gets you out of bed in the morning?

My alarm clock. My five-year-old son, jumping on me. I love the effectiveness of my line of work. It doesn’t really have to do with giving myself worth or value, but I do something that I can correct.

I can put out a house fire and everyone knows house fires are bad and everyone knows when they’re out; I can see results. Very tangible results. You can’t breathe; I can make you breathe. That is very satisfying. I have a similar satisfaction with tuning pianos.

I just was at one where it was so bad I couldn’t even play it without cringing. They had a three-year-old autistic girl, and she was just fascinated by the piano. By the end she’s sitting right next to me and I’m playing Jesus loves me and that, that’s effective.

So that’s what I hunt for. Those moments that I can be effective.

L219: It’s lifegiving. In the same way that music is lifegiving and can soothe your soul. Whether you’re giving someone the capability to breathe, or rescuing them from a bridge, you promote humanity and growth, and there’s something really beautiful to that.

SG: It isn’t just, oh, look what I did, but to be allowed to experience that with them. God has blessed me with the ability to experience that and I’m kind of causing it I guess, but I’m more being fed by just the experience. That’s what I really hold onto.

I never thought about that but that’s really what gets me out of bed. I play violin for the church; we play on the praise team. So, my service, if you will, is a form of worship, and when I feel that, I am on cloud nine, whether I’m playing Jesus loves me with a three-year-old girl, or I’m snatching somebody off a bridge.

That’s what keeps me coming back, and that’s why I think I’m able to leave at 7am and come home and be an effective father, an effective husband, effective son, brother, whatever. Because that is not my identity. I told my wife, when I first started this career, and I hold myself to this: I said, “If on my tombstone, all it says, is, ‘Here lies a good husband and a good father, then that’s success for me.’”

L219: What insight would you share with the general public that they may not realize about your line of work?

If I could give anybody advice first off, paramedics are people too. We are just normal people. We aren’t Gods, we aren’t the end all be all.

I heard somebody say one time when someone calls 911 they expect the mind of a brain surgeon and the body of a triathlete. So, you have to have everything figured out and you have to be able to carry 500-pound patients up and down stairs.

I’m not excusing paramedics who have bad days and take it out on people, but treat me like a normal person. I get treated like the help or a servant when I get there, or like trash. Cops get it even worse. But we’re real people, too.

[On the job] You need to have a good support structure; whatever that looks like for that individual, just make sure that it’s solid. Don’t have a support structure of the guys that you hang out with at the bar. Have somebody that knows who you are inside so when you put that wall up they have access to the back door.

L219: And the capability to say, “I know what you’re doing.”

Yeah. That would be my biggest advice. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.